Smooth Jazz

While I was waiting for my pizza, I stopped in at the SJ Cigar store to have a look around.
When I walked in I noted to myself the sweet smooth jazz music that was playing.Something similar to this...


There was a gentleman to my right seated at the espresso / hookah bar. With his pizza.
I walked towards the counter where there was a big black gentleman in a spiffy hat and jacket. He was asking the clerk about cigars. He was interested in procuring some for his friends birthday this Sunday.
This was their exchange -
Guy : My Buddy was telling me about these cigars he likes. Starts with a G or something.Clerk : Could be this. ( I don't recall the name of the cigar )Guy : That sounds about right. How are those?Clerk : Well those are alright. Guy : Well I'm trying to get him some for his birthday. And I know that he likes those.Clerk : What would really nice is if you get him something new. Something that isn't such a generic cigar.Guy : Oh really?  Clerk : Yeah, that cigar is a cookie cutter cigar. It's not the best of quality. It's alright.            It's like saying Starbucks is a great cup of coffee.Guy : Oh okay, well what would you recommend?Clerk : We have this cigar that is from Cuban stock. It's square all the way through and is very mellow and           smooth. You can sit back and have a great scotch with it.Guy : How much would 1 of those run me?Clerk : 7 bucks.Guy : And they're smooth right?Clerk : Just as smooth as this guy on the piano.(pointing to the radio and making note of the smooth jazz music, the same that I noticed when I walked in.)
Guy : Oh that sounds nice. But I need 'em smoother than that. 
There was some more banter and the Guy left without anything.
It was one of the best exchanges that I have witnessed in a long time.Very Seinfeldian.
My thought was this:"That jazz music was pretty damn smooth. Any smoother you'd be falling asleep behind the wheel."
He must have wanted some of that slow trumpety jazz. * yawn *

Marine Yelled at Me again....

Not really. But she made some comment on how I have not been posting. La Di da.
So..... 
I was "watching squirrels" in the kitchen this morning and spotted this little face in a tree.

This might be the most adorable photo I have ever taken.Yay me!
So there. I posted a post Marine!
Enjoy the cuteness!

PEOPLE!

New Neighbor Guy likes to leave his full trash bags outside his door in the hallway, so everyone else can see and smell it. 
If you don't wanna leave it sitting on the tiled kitchen floor in YOUR apartment because of the smell.What  makes you think I wanna see or smell it on the CARPETED common area hallway floor.You know that there is drippy liquid in that trash bag.
First the discarded mail on the floor. Now this.
Who is the FUNGUS of a person.

Rocking out the old year!

For the last few years I have tried to have a classic rock station playing music on new years eve.I like to hear which is the last song played in the old year and the first played in the new year.
I do not remember what last year was...
But I wrote it down this year!
With the aid of Tango Traffic Digital TV Channel 17.4 in the greater Philadelphia area this is what was heard.

‎2nd to last song of 2011 - "Something" by The Beatles
last song of 2011 - "Red Barchetta" by Rush 
first song of 2012 - "Satisfaction" by The Rolling Stones
second song of 2012 - "I put a Spell on You"  CCR Version
third song of 2012 - "Stay With Me" by Faces
forth song of 2012 - "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick
Now I have a record of it!Who knows where or what station I will be listening to next year!
Rock on baby!

Favorite Interweb findings of 2011!

I wanted to share my favorite photos that I found on the internet this year!This is a small collection of things that I save to a folder called "internet findings." 

Gay Mexican Unicorn??
This photo was paid for.
This guy actually went to a studio and said I wanna be photographed as a unicorn.  

My most favorite photo of the year!
Mr. Fox looks so happy!

Classic Comedy. 

I love me some santa and machine guns on holiday photos.

My favorite from the Deadspin series "Unintentional Dongs"

This dude got the friggin sweetest shot ever! That is a once in 5 life times shot!
unbelievable moment caught!

Ice T Bitches! 

I have a huge love of the anime series NARUTO.
This is a painting of a tailed fox beast!

Really! Who made this and placed it on the internet! come on!

Paula Dean Riding Things was hot for a minute.

That's right men. Keep your grip while doing your shit.
This add screams masturbation all over it.
Which makes it hilarious.

Thank you Old Spice for providing such overtly obvious Penis References.
To the point where Colbert had to comment on it.

So that concludes my favorite findings of the year.I hope next year is even sillier!

i've smelt some things...

This is a rather short note of a post.
It smells like somebody in our apartment complex is washing shit stained underpants or diapers in the community washing machine. 
it is smells so bad some times that even I gag.(like today)
Dear Dumb Ass Shit Crappers,Rinse your shit stained crap bags before you put them in a machine that other people use!
 Are you just washing a load of shit??
Here let me take a shit in all my pants and wash them.Who the fuck does that!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD!!!
I guess my mother actually taught me wrong and right?Or how not to be a fuck hole?
COME ON PEOPLE!!!!!!!
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Also there is a new bunny comic up!www.idrawbunnies.com
(it seems that I rant a bunch.)

New Bunnies Comic...

New drawing is up! it's not of bunnies. It's of rocks. I like drawing rocks.

www.idrawbunnies.com

Neighborly Advice

We have a new neighbor again. The nice quiet couple across the hall moved out several months ago. Now we have an Egyptian / Jewish looking guy.
He likes to talk really loudly on the phone in the hallway and slam doors.
He has yet to put his name on his mailbox.Which I guess means he doesn't intend to receive mail.
Including all the junk mail that came to his mailbox.He took it upon himself  to sort out mail not addressed to HIS NAME,So he started throwing it on the floor.
At first it was a few Bed Bath and Beyond coupons. About a week ago Marine had noticed a Bed Bath and Beyond Coupon outside on the steps.She placed it back inside.It was not addressed to us. Yet we did not want trash blowing around our lovely courtyard.
Then it was the weekly coupons and junk being piled up underneath the mailbox.
After a small pile had compiled. (hahah pile joke)This guy placed the pile outside on the front steps!He continued to do such sucky things.
Marine came home yesterday and exclaimed,"I'm going to go ahead and assume our new neighbor is an asshole."
So she told me about the pile that had been growing.I looked and it was like a grocery bag full of papers and ads.
Later in the evening as we were trying to nap. We heard the Maintenance Man (hereby referred to as MM) knocking on his door.
MM told him to stop putting his mail on the stoop outside.
The guy had the nerve to tell MM that it was NOT HIS MAIL.MM basically laughed and said, "Don't lie to me."
I am fairly certain that new guy even tried to blame it on me!Which MM nicely defended with, "He wouldn't do that. Look, I know the address. It says it on the mail.Just knock it off."
The new guy defeated, apologized and offered to clean it up.
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY!
You DO NOT  put junk mail on the floor underneath the mailbox in the common area.You DO NOT place pile of junk outside in the elements when it becomes to large!
Obviously this guys parents didn't teach him common sense things.
THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA.
Some body else isn't gonna deal with it man!
YOU GOTTA DEAL WITH IT YOURSELF!
How hard is it to take the junk mail and place it in recycling?
What a fucking ass nut. 
 

WTF

So apparently NPR reported a couple weeks ago about how our water levels around here contained extreme amounts of contaminants and such of things like fluoride and so on.
Not only was NPR asked to take down the article from online. But the government apparently changed the law to allow .1 parts per million, compared to the .01 part per million or what ever it was beforehand.
So Kilian was right. We shouldn't be drinking the water.  

Thanks to Marine's doctor for the heads up.
It's time to start my Awesome Water Bottling Company.


PS. A good source to check out is the EPA's website... they tell you why unnecessary things like Fluoride are added to our drinking water. Some of their water treatment standards haven't been changed since the 90s!

Dear Netflix (again)

This is another open letter to Netflix.
Dear Netflix,
For just about a month now (Since we dropped the DVD service) We have had some trouble with an error code.
At First the error code happened from time to time.Each day this week I have signed on to Netflix. I have tried playing multiple titles.Nothing loads or plays.Then when I exit and go back into Netflix it gives me the error code. " Xbox Error Code 1."
PC LOAD LETTER! WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN! (from Office Space)
Online Forums say that both Netflix and Xbox take No responsibility for the Error Code.
I should not have to delete and re install Netflix everyday so I can watch my shows. I am paying for a service that your company is not providing.It is fucking stupid.
I should not have to Activate my device every single fucking day.
Netflix can suck a giant floppy donkey dong.
I am one Error Code message away from switching to Hulu. ( I am super cereal about that )
With Loving Hatred,Shawn Hill

A BUNNY COMIC!

So I've been a little lacking on posts. Cause I think to much and do not write.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

The following  2 television advertisements piss me off. 
But Why Shawn?Why would you be pissed off at TV commercials?
I am pissed off because the songs in these commercials get stuck in my head.
But Shawn, you love the Dixie Plate Commericial.
Yes I do. But that jingle was good! It is great. Sung well. Recorded well. Produced Well.
These 2 "jingles" are so bad,  they actually work so well... and I HATE IT!
While I am trying to sleep. When I wake up. In the shower. At Work!!EVEN WALKING DOWN THE FRIGGIN STREET!!!!!
These terrible "jingles" are stuck in my brain!They are driving me insane.
Target

Damn you Target. I actually like your 2nd Grade Teacher Ad. So you're not all bad. But still annoying like randomly ringing church bells on Friday mornings.
Resolve

This is so bad. so so so so bad. Who in the hell gave the go to this commercial. It is terrible.Editing. Sound. Did an intern make this?Please lick the floor of the restroom.You guys get out stains, so stick to that.Because it's obvious you don't know how to make a television commercial without being lame and annoying.
Moving on.
Shame on your advertising department Target and Resolve.Shame on you for creating such perfect brain melting atrociousness.  You are On my List of 100 People / Groups of People I wanna slap in the face.



Addendum by Marine: I thought it would be appropriate to add that there's one commercial on my can't-stand-it list and it's that Old Navy commercial for the long and lean flares. The song gets stuck in my head All.The.Time. Also, the commercial doesn't make any sense! Why are they bowling in platform shoes?! They're going to hurt themselves! Then it won't matter how 'long' and 'lean' their legs look in their jeans, because they'll be on the ground, and their jeans will probably be ripped. That's all.

Dear Netflix

Yesterday Netflix stepped over the line, and created a blatant foul.  
Netflix walked right into our homes and bitch slapped us right in the face.(We stood there and wondered who is this guy in a suit?)
Netflix announced Wednesday  that they will be increasing the cost of the DVD rental service.
Currently Marine and I have the 1 DVD at a time with Unlimited Streaming for 9.99 a month.
When we first signed up Netflix offered the combo package for 8.99 a month.
I guess the $1 increase on millions of customers didn't help them out.
WTF?
So now they are offering DVD rentals and Streaming  as separate services.
each at $7.99
16 bucks now??? 
HELL NO!!
Like many other pissed off people in America, I plan on dropping the DVD option ASAP.
Not because we can't afford it. Just because Netflix does not deserve more of my money for offering me the same thing.
Why would you try to "fix" something if it wasn't broken?
I guess the CEO of Netflix wants a new private bathroom attendant to wipe his ass for him.
Good Show Old Chap. Good Show.
 - The flowing is my open internet letter to Netflix -
Dear Netflix,
You are greedy fucking whore monsters.
                             From the desk of:                                   President Shawn Hill

Open Door Policy

Obama Returns from South America to find that the doors have been locked to the oval office. Yes The President has been "Lock Blocked". apparently his people forgot to let the house staff know that he was on his way back.
sounds like a lack of communication there.
In the photo you can see a female white house aide rushing to the door.Maybe she shouldn't have been blowing one of the secret serivce guys Bill Clinton style while Obama was away.

I'd like to imagine his first thought was  "oh crap. don't panic Obama man. the cameras ARE watching you. don't make a TOTAL fool of yourself."
Another Touching Presidential Door Malfuntion is attributed to My Favorite George W. Bush




While in china. He tries to escape. I love his facial reaction. And the fact he admits he was trying to escape. Hilarious.
Maybe these two guys aren't so different after all. Lets hope Obama doesn't choke on a soft pretzel. That would be pretty lame.

Pepsi vs. Coke

When I first saw a clip of this ad on Facebook, I wondered if Pepsi was just ripping off the classic Coke Polar Bear Commercials. 
But it seems that Pepsi is straight up mocking Coke. Pepsi is using Coke's classic winter / Christmas theme adds and twisting them around to make Pepsi the soda of the summer.
This is the best example of a company using another companies "branding" and using it against them.
I love these types of battles between two parties. The only other adds I love like this are political adds during election season.
Here are two of the new Pepsi adverts. Which I find cheerfully funny.
Introducing Uncle Teddy and the Party Gang


and this is the Pepsi advert featuring Santa, which I found slightly funny.Santa is on vacation and he's being naughty!



I am giving an A+ rating to the marketing guys at Pepsi for coming up with this one.
Pepsi just became the official soft drink of the summer.
Pepsi Time IS Summer Time.
What you think about that Coke?
Your move marketing guys.

p.s. - I love both Coke and Pepsi. It depends on my mood, the day, and what I am eating or drinking at the time. But sometimes I like Pepsi. and sometimes I like Coke. They are both great tasting Soda Beverages and both have their moments in my thirst quenching activities.

Censorship

I have a question I suppose. 
Does British Television Censor their programming?? 
Do they allow nudity and cursing?
Are there any guidelines?
Cause it's starting to seem like America needs to chill out on what we censored. (man)
We don't need to protect the children OR the adults.
How about we focus on teaching both children and adults about a little thing I like to call
 REALITY?? 
Child Labor Laws are crazy!Put these kids to work and teach them the value of the dollar!
Also,If these kids misbehave. It should be acceptable practice to slap them.
No questions asked.
If you happen to be a "MOTHER" not paying attention to a child who has become unwieldy,it should be completely acceptable to slap that bitch as well as her offspring.


Really, all I'm saying is that I think we need to rethink what censorship really is

This Rant has been brought on by watching "Kitchen Nightmares (UK)" with Gordon Ramsay.That man says some of the best insults I have ever heard. 
It is currently available on Netflix via the Xbox 360 to watch Instantly.
it is uncensored.which got me to wondering if they censor British Television or not.
That is all.

Oh Great Coffee Stain ...

www.idrawbunnies.com

I'm fairly certain the chocolate is from some cookies.

Ultimate Loyalty

A Japanese dog refuses to leave his injured friend behind...

Downloading...

This Cat is a Real Cat Burglar

CAT STEALS ITEMS FROM NEIGHBORS
This is by far the funniest thing I have seen so far in 2011. 
This little cat named Dusty has some swagger. 
He goes out at night and takes items of clothing, toys, and etc from the neighbors yard and brings them back to his house. I wonder who or what this cat was in a past life?
What a guy!